Why is it that the world's funniest jokes are all about snails?...

Okay so ever since I can remember my very very favorite joke has been:

Q:What did one snail say to the other while sitting on a turtle's back?

A: "HOLD ON! HERE WE GO!"

I really have no idea why that joke makes me laugh so hard but it never gets old. But I have to say that it is best stated when my mom tells it. The first time she told me I was on the floor for at least five minutes straight laughing my head off. I think it is funny how certain jokes will hit a person so hard and then if you tell the same joke to the next person they don't even laugh.

Here is another funny snail joke that I like:

And here's another one I just found that makes me laugh so hard:

This guy was washing the dishes in his kitchen and he heard a knock at the door. He opened the door and there was nobody there. Just as he was closing it he looked down and saw a snail. "What do you want?" he asked the snail. "Can I have a glass of water please?" replied the snail. "No, clear off!" shouted the guy and he punted the snail down to the bottom of the garden. Two months later he was in the kitchen again and he heard another knock at the door. He opened the door, looked down, and saw the snail again. "What do you want?" he shouted. "Why did you do that?" said the snail.

And another:

This snail is at the police station. He's telling the officer on duty about how he was just mugged and robbed."It was these two turtles!" the snail sobs. "They beat me up and took my money!"The officer asks "Did you get a good look at them?"The snail says "No! It all happened so fast!"

Ha ha I hope you enjoyed them!... cause I sure did!

Love always, Ellie

Bye Bye Betty...

Last Thursday a tragic and almost fatal accident occurred. I was driving up to the university where I dance each Monday and Thursday and Betty (aka my 1977 Mercedes) broke down. It was actually a very nerve-racking experience. I was traveling up Wasatch Blvd. and I had just passed the Fort Douglas UTA trax stop. The train was halted and I needed to pass through the upcoming intersection. The light was green so I began to pass through and right as a got on the tracks my car went "ka kink" and completely stopped. The train bells started to ring and I could hear the train starting up. I prayed to my Heavenly Father that I would be okay and right as I said "amen" my car rolled forward into a section off of the road where my bumper passed the tracks about six feet and I was safe. I credit all work to my Father in Heaven. My mom was luckily just down the street and I gave her a call and she gave the towing company a call.

Tonight my mom called our most beloved mechanic Dick and he didn't have very good news... He said that the repair would cost at least $3,000-4,000 and later repairs could make it cost even more. He personally thought that it wasn't worth it and since it is winter my parents didn't think it was either.

I will miss you dearly Betty... inside of your strong steel frame I had so many memorable experiences from long talks to close friends, to old-school nights with Miss Alyss, protecting me from old freaking men and their whistles directed at me, to chinese fire drills, and of course singing to my old hippy songs.

I won't ever forget your huge steering wheel, or you thermostat with a million and five switches, or the random red light on your dash that said "cliff alarm" (I still don't know what that means so I just guess you would protect me if I ever fell off of a cliff), or your buzzing speakers, or your comfy leather seats, or your unpredictable locks, or you gigantic hood... Let's just sum it up in a few heartfelt words... Betty your place in the garage will never be perfectly replaced again! Enjoy car heaven! I hope to visit you there some day!

R.I.P. Betty!

Picture from: http://www.azcarsandtrucks.com/classicmbenhead2.jpg

The Perfect Day...

Sunday night my great friend Miss Alyss texted me to inform me that it was my future but late husband's birthday! "Oh Cary! My Cary! I am sorry but I wasn't aware of this important date!" Yes... it is true... Cary Grant is just growing up so fast. We also found that it was the famous Audrey Hepburn's date of death 2 days later. So to celebrate both of their lives, Miss Alyss and I thought that it would be most appropriate if we gave tribute to them for a whole day. Early yesterday morning she called me up and we made plans to dress up in our best and most retro vintage clothing. We pulled out scarfs and trench coats, skinny jeans, flats, brooches, button-down shirts, curling irons, and our red red lipsticks. We got all spiffed up and made our way into town.






We started at a store called "Decades" downtown that had the most amazing vintage pieces. We hid in corners and tried on hats and coats. I then fell in love with a dress that I would give anything for to wear to a formal dance... but of course it wasn't for sale. We were there for almost two hours! Alyssa bought a scarf and then we were on our way.

Next we stopped at presh Konisi's house to say hi. He was a tease the whole time but Alyssa and I both agreed that he was a very agreeable and humorous young man to be around.

We then made our way to "Denny's," a perfect diner setting, where we ate dinner together and then feasted on a strawberry milkshake for desert. We thought this to be fitting as we spent our day fixed in the 50's. Then we went to pick up a perfect movie to finish up the night. I bought my favorite, "An Affair to Remember," and Alyssa bought "Breakfast at Tiffany's." We enthusiastically watched "An Affair to Remember," in Alyssa's basement where we also painted our nails a deep red. We thought that this would be fitting because all proper women in the 50's always had their nails done.

After the movie we dedicated the last 45 minutes together by researching Cary's and Audrey's lives and we both learned some very interesting facts:




Cary
1) Cary's real name is Archibald Alexander Leach
2) His mom was taken to a mental institution when he was just nine and at 14 he ran away to become a comedian in a traveling show
3) He never played the villian in a story and often played the handsome bachelor







Audrey
1)Audrey's birthname was Audrey Kathleen Ruston
2)In movies always appeared as the "delicate adolesent"
3)My favorite quote by her: "Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand: the first is to help yourself, the second is to help others."

25 Things About Me...

1) The circus song has been stuck in my head for as long as I can remember. I am pretty sure I was adopted and my biological parents were trapeze artists in the circus... I must have heard the song in my mother's womb or something.

2) My favorite time to have a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich is for a midnight snack with my brother Jack.

3) I haven't gone without nail polish on both my fingernails and toenails for almost 7 years now... I can't stand it so I always leave at least a sliver of polish on during dance performances. Hello my piggies look so naked with out a pop of color! Shh! Don't tell anyone!

4) I prefer raspberry jello with mandarin oranges, pineapples, and bananas over any other type of jello salad.

5) My favorite time of the day to take naps is around 5:30 because when I wake up the evening is just beginning and I still have time to get things accomplished. All I need is a little power nap to get me going.

6) I really really love milk with ice in it. I can't stand milk when it is on the warm side... unless it is in hot chocolate of course.

7) Sometimes when I am alone in my room I will start crawling around like an animal (on both my hands and feet kind of like a gorilla) to finish up tasks.

8) My favorite place to read books is in front of the fireplace where it is nice and warm.

9) Sometimes I get so into books that I will start to believe the stories and my mom will have to calm me down and talk me through things when there is a conflict in the story cause I get very paranoid.

10) On Saturday mornings my brother Jack and I head to the library to get some homework done but always bring along "Scrabble" to play when we need a break... Sometimes we end up taking longer to play the game then getting homework finished.

11) I have always been a "daddy's girl".

12) I have saved almost every letter, birthday card, and note that I have received from someone in my special box for the last 3 years. They are so special to me.

13) My five favorite movies/TV shows are: Perry Mason, Rocky, North by Northwest, An Affair to Remember, and The Sandlot.

14) My five favorite music artists are: The Beatles, (the first CD I ever got was of their greatest hits when I was 3 years old and proudly I still have it and in good condition:) Frank Sinatra, Simon and Garfunkel, Coldplay, and Mika.

15) I idolize my Grandma Copier because she is the most proper, intelligent, kindhearted, sweet, industrious, and humorous lady I have ever met in my entire life.

16) When I am with friends my favorite thing to do is just talk.

17) I prefer taking showers in the dark.

18) When I really just want time to think I hide in the back of my closet behind all of my clothes and just sit.

19) My greatest goal in life is to someday become a mother. I already have lists of boys and girls names that I like and I am constantly writing things down that I admire about mothers that I know.

20) When I am a grandma I have already decided that I am going going to dye my hair purple or that freaky maroon color and wear all kinds of big necklaces and Chinese kimonos.

21) My favorite animals are giraffes and flamingos. I think I am attracted to them because of their long legs.

22) My favorite game to play on long car rides is the "smile-at-strangers game".

23) When I am nervous I shake really really bad and I start to pinch the skin on my neck.

24) My two favorite perfumes are Sunflower, and CK One.

25) My favorite place to go late at night is on adventures to parks with my best friend.